I am puke
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
