i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
