The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
