We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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