Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
