If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
