just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
soo... how was my night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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