you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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