trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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