We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
