I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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