Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
