he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
