I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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