Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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