If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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