So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
