Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
