As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
