dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
