I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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