Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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