i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
