I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
