Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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