He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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