Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
