I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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