Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
