I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
