Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize