oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Green mimosas i think yes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
