"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
"it" just moved
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
