I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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