shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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