He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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