The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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