the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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