I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
