shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
