i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
