Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
