So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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