Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's official drugs can't kill me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize