those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
