Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Are we in a gay sports bar?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
