So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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