like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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