Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
