I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
