I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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