You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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