My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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