I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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