just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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