Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
