Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
