just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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