I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
